Time to Take off My Mask

Here’s the truth about me: 

I am not a social person and I don’t do well in public around people. I get stressed and I get anxiety. When I get stressed, I tend to talk nonstop which usually results in the person/people I’m with to become annoyed at me.

The same thing happens with me and dating. Remember that summer fling guy I was talking about earlier? Well him and I are really hitting it off. Things are going quite well and he wants to go out with me. Isn’t that great? The thing though is that he wants to go to a movie and to me, movies are awkward and uncomfortable because you just sit there and you don’t talk. Everything is kinda uncomfortable to be honest. But I like him and I want to be with him.

I’m just really confused of who I am right now and what I want. I have this mask on that hides my anxiety problems and I’m afraid that when it finally comes off, the people around me will stop liking me for who they thought I was. 

I’m tired of hiding my anxiety but I’m tired of people being afraid of me once they know the real me. I might delete this post later but I just needed to write what I was feeling down somewhere. Thank you for reading. 

The Start of A New Year

We’ve come to that time of the year again. The end of summer. Temperatures get cooler (although in California, they get hotter!), tan lines start to fade, and the smell of a new school year is fresh in the air.

My school starts August 27 and I think you could say I am less than excited. I started high school not knowing anybody because I came from a private school. I made friends but I didn’t really connect with anybody. I had a group of friends that were alright but in about March, they decided that they didn’t like me anymore and basically kicked me out of their group. That’s especially hard because by March, everyone already has their basic group of friends. So what I did was I found a different friend and sat with her friend group.

Her group was great and they’re nice but I didn’t really feel a part of their group. I just felt like an outsider looking in. I don’t think I’d like to go back to her group this year. I want a group of friends that I actually bond with. 

So once again, I am starting this school year with no friends. Nowhere to sit at lunch and no one to walk with between classes. I just feel like such an outsider and that I don’t belong anywhere. 

Summer Fling Turning into A Summer THING?

Let me just say before I start writing my story, this post is meant entirely for me to rant and figure things out at the moment. I’m confused and I need somewhere to put my thoughts. 

So. I met this guy while working at a summer camp this year. He’s a year older than me and I never really thought of him as a person I could be involved with romantically. Although, my friends and I were talking and I decided he could be a darn good kisser. Well it just so happens that a few hours after I said that, we played spin the bottle. And what do you know, I got to kiss him and let me say that I was right. He is possibly one of the best kissers around. 

Now this boy has a reputation at the camp. He is known to hook up with/make out with many girls during the summer for multiple summers in a row. I was one of those hook ups. We made out for about 20 minutes and he felt me up. It was amazing. The next day  I gave him my number and he said he’d text me. The next week, he was going to a sleepaway camp so obviously he wasn’t going to communicate with me.

When he got back from the camp, I heard from a third party that he hooked up with another girl and got kicked out of the camp for it. And I thought I was special. Days went by and I just accepted the fact that he wasn’t going to text or call or communicate in any way, shape, or form.

Two weeks went by and I’m sitting in bed at 11:30pm watching The Breakfast Club when he texts me. I ask if he hooked up with the girl and he said yes but it was a mistake then continues to try and flirt with me. I told him what his reputation at camp was and he said it isn’t true. 

Now comes the hard part. I don’t know if I should believe him or the stories I heard. Would he try to cover up his past to try and get to me? Or would he be telling the truth? For now I’m just going to take it slowly and one step at a time and I’ll keep you updated. Wish me luck with this one. 

99 Questions Tag!

I came across this tag on http://heyitszahra.wordpress.com and decided to try it! Feel free to do this tag after me 🙂

1. Do you sleep with your closer doors open or closed? Closed! It freaks me out if they’re open.

2. Do you take the shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? I mean, I use them. But I don’t take them home with me. 

3. Do you sleep with the sheets tucked in or out? In!

4. Have you ever stolen a street sign before? Okay, has anyone legitimately done this??

5. Do you like to use post-it notes? Honestly, no not really

6. Do you cut out coupons but then never use them? I don’t really use coupons. The only coupons I ever get/use is when people hand them to me in the store.

7. Would you rather be attacked by a bear or a swarm of bees? Probably a swarm of bees.

8. Do you have freckles? Nope

9. Do you always smile for pictures? Usually, yeah 🙂

10. What is your biggest pet peeve? When people spell things wrong

11. Do you ever count your steps when you walk? Yes haha

12. Have you ever peed in the woods? Yes I have, on multiple occasions!

13. Have you ever pooped in the woods? Noooooooo

14. Do you ever dance even if there is no music playing? Only like all the time!

15. Do you chew your pens and pencils? I try not to but sometimes it happens

16. How many people have you slept with this week? ZERO

17. What size is your bed? Queen

18. What is your song of the week? Best Song Ever by One Direction. I heard it in a vine and it’s been freaking stuck in my head ever since

19. Is it okay for guys to wear pink? Of course! If they can pull it off, it sometimes even looks classy

20. Do you still watch cartoons? Spongebob all the way!!

21. What’s your least favorite movie? Disney’s Snow White. That movie is the scariest thing I have ever watched omg

22. Where would you bury hidden treasure if you had some? Probably like my closet or something

23. What do you drink with dinner? Usually water

24. What do you dip a chicken nugget in? Ketchup

25. What is your favorite food? Cheeseburger. But really though, I love all food

26. What movies could you watch over and over and still love? Don’t laugh but The Twilight Saga. I was obsessed in 5th grade

27. Last person you kissed/kissed you? Ahh this guy from camp haha

28. Were you ever a boy/girl scout? Yes, I made it to cadette girl scout!

29. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine? No, probably not

30. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper? Last week!

31. Can you change the oil on a car? Nope

32. Ever gotten a speeding ticket? No I have not

33. Ever run out of gas? No

34. Favorite kind of sandwich? I actually hate regular sandwiches but I love a panini!

35. Best thing to eat for breakfast? I hate breakfast foods so I usually eat lunch foods for breakfast. My answer to this question would have to be pasta haha

36. What is your usual bed time? Like 11:30ish

37. Are you lazy? So so so so so so freaking lazy

38. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween? Dorothy from Wizard of Oz, a vampire, a zombie bride, etc.

39. What is your Chinese astrological sign? I believe it’s a rabbit

40. How many languages can you speak? I can only speak English fluently but I can count to 10 in Hungarian, German, French, Spanish, and sign language!

41. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Seventeen and Girls Life!

42. Which are better: Legos or Lincoln Logs? Legooooooos 🙂

43. Are you stubborn? So so stubborn

44. Who is better: Leno or Letterman? I honestly don’t care

45. Ever watch soap operas? Does Pretty Little Liars count? Haha

46. Are you afraid of heights? A little bit

47. Do you sing in the car? Not usually

48. Do you sing in the shower? No I’m more of a talker

49. Do you dance in the car? I sure do!

50. Ever used a gun? Yes

51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Last picture day? 

52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? Not at all!

53. Is Christmas stressful? Not really, no

54. Ever eat a pierogi? Yesss they’re so good!!

55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Well I don’t really like pie but I guess apple?

56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Actress or architect

57. Do you believe in ghosts? I sure do!

58. Ever had a deja-vu feeling? Come on, who hasn’t?

59. Take a vitamin daily? No

60. Wear slippers? no

61. Wear a bath robe? Nope

62. What do you wear to bed? Shorts and a t-shirt or sweats and a t-shirt

63. First concert? Beach Boys!

64. Walmart, Target, or K-Mart? Target for sure

65. Nike or Adidas? Umm I have no preference but I guess Nike?

66. Cheetos or Fritos? Neither haha

67. Peanuts or sunflower seeds? Sunflower seeds

68. Ever heard of the group Tres Bien? Well now I have

69. Ever take dance lessons? Ballet

70. Is there a profession you picture your spouse doing? Not really

71. Can you curl your tongue? I sure can!

72. Ever won a spelling bee? Haha I wish

73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Sure!

74. Own any record albums? Nope

75. Own a record player? No

76. Regularly burn incense? Nope

77. Ever been in love? Yes actually haha

78. Who would you like to see in concert? Johnny Cash even though he’s dead. If it has to be living, either Jonas Brothers or Taylor Swift

79. What was the last concert you saw? John Mayer

80. Hot tea or cold tea? Cold

81. Tea or coffee? Tea!

82. Sugar or snickerdoodles? Snickerdoodles for sure

83. Can you swim well? I’ve been on a swim team for the past 7 years so hopefully I’m alright!

84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Of course!

85. Are you patient? Not one bit

86. DJ or band at a wedding? DJ

87. Ever won a contest? Unfortunately, no 😦

88. Ever have plastic surgery? No!!

89. Which are better, black or green olives? Black 

90. Can you knit or crochet? I can actually knit!

91. Best room for a fireplace? Umm I don’t know, living room? 

92. Do you want to get married? Definitely!

93. If married, how long have you been married? Well I’m not married so..

94. Who was your high school crush? Still in high school!

95. Do you cry and throw a fit until you get your own way? Unfortunately, I do sometimes

96. Do you have kids? Nope

97. Do you want kids? Yes I do

98. What’s your favorite color? Pink!

99. Do you miss anyone right now? Yes, so many people 😦

 

Well, that’s it! The 99 questions tag! Feel free to do this tag after me 🙂

 

Running- My Worst and Best Nightmare

Running.

It’s so basic yet so complicated. It’s like walking yet faster and more bouncy. If it’s so much like walking, why do people hate it so much? I’ve only been on one run this summer and to be honest, it felt great. I’m actually a swimmer so running isn’t usually my thing but when I haven’t been in the pool for a long time, running is an amazing alternative. 

I haven’t swam in about a month and right at the end of this swim season, I discovered how to make Rice Krispie treats. That was probably a mistake. I made about 2 batches per week and ate the entire thing all by myself. And as a result, I gained about 15 pounds. Oops. It doesn’t exactly look like I’ve gained weight but I can feel it. I feel so utterly disgusting with my life but I love to eat so that’s a habit that’s obviously not going to change. Unfortunately the one thing i love to do, swim, starts up again in February. I know I have to do something and this is where running comes in. 

I’ve read numerous articles on how to motivate yourself to run and at 10 o’clock at night, I get really excited about it. But 10 is kinda late and dark and it just doesn’t work. So I always tell myself, “Okay, tomorrow I’ll run”. Well, tomorrow is here and I have no motivation again. I know that if I don’t go out now, I’m going to regret it tonight and the days will pass by and the pounds will add on.

So here it goes. I am dead tired and I have no motivation but I tell myself every night that I’ll start running and today’s the day I actually will. This is going to suck considering I’m super out of shape but you have to start somewhere. Wish me luck. 

Europe: A Two Week Adventure

“When one door closes, another one opens”

For me, the door that closed is school. Let out on summer vacation, the door to Europe opened.

School got out for me on June 13. Finals had just ended and I knew it was the start of a good summer. Two days after school had ended, my family and I got on a plane to Europe for 2 weeks. My mom is Hungarian so we flew to Hungary to visit family. We stayed in the city of Budapest in my grandparents’ apartment. The weather there was HOT HOT HOT. 

We stayed for a week, traveling around the city and eating lots of Hungarian food. It was amazing. Th next week was dedicated to Paris. The apartment that we stayed in in Paris was in the middle of sketch town. We basically stayed on a street sketchier than the Las Vegas strip. It was a sex street. There were probably 15 sex shops and a countless amount of clubs. On our way to the metro station, we had to pass at least five different sex shops.. Ew.

Luckily, the entire city of Paris wasn’t like that but I was amazed at how publicly porn and sex was advertised. It literally was like Vegas. Needless to say though, it is such a beautiful city. Ever since I was about three, it’s been my dream to go to France and now I finally did. My brother and I ate escargot every single day. For those of you that don’t know what escargot is, it’s baked snails. Sounds disgusting and looks terrible but it is the most amazing thing I have ever tasted.

We basically saw all of Paris in about 3 days. You can walk everywhere and to the places you can’t walk to, there’s a 15 minute metro train to get there. Easy as pie! We ended up going to the Eiffel Tower twice- once on our own and once with a tour. We climbed the stairs on our own and took the little train thing up with our tour.

Sadly to say though, this picture is the only one where the weather was somewhat decent. Paris is a cold, rainy, gloomy place in the summer months. I’ve heard that it warms up in August but we were not lucky enough to experience that. Even though it was butt cold, Paris was still such a beautiful city.

On the day we went home, there was a massive rainstorm so I was kinda glad we were leaving. We headed to the airport and faced a brutal 11 hour flight home. Luckily, the plane was stacked with movies so I think I watched about 6 movies. Once we arrived home, we were all exhausted. It was only noon though so we couldn’t exactly go to bed. I was able to beat the jet lag because I didn’t sleep on the flight and I didn’t sleep until it was nighttime at home so I ended up being awake for 24 hours straight and went to bed exhausted. Overall, the Europe 2013 trip was one of the best of my life and I’ll remember it forever.

 

 

Welcome :)

Hi there!

My name is Maddie and this is my new blog. I’ll be writing about anything and everything. My main goal was to write about fitness and health but I’ve kind of switched my mind on that. Of course I’ll be doing that as well but I just want my blog to be about everything for now. I’m really into beauty and fashion so you can count on there being posts about that and I’m also into overall wellness and making peace with life.  I want people to see my life for how it really is. This is me.

Mads